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Running NudeRunning Nude - A hilarious take on the subject of Jogging Naked and Walking Nude. With links to naked running websites.
My wife, Lorelie, asked me to write something on the topic of, Nude Running. Running Nude??? I know what nude is and I know what running is, but together?
Thankfully I was greeted with text only. I guess there is this big group of freaks... I mean nature lovers, who insist on running around in their birthday suits. The site showed dozens of nudie 5k’s and what not. Dogs Running Nude???Another site said that dogs were not welcome in the race even if they were nude! By the way, I love nature also butt, (pun intended), I prefer people in clothes unless I am getting busy with them. In that case, clothes are a speed bump in the way of my business.Now let me be clear, I am all for liberty. I want everyone who wants to be naked, naked, and I mean really naked. I want these people naked all day, everyday. I want them naked in the morning. I want them naked at night. I want them naked ordering Chinese food. I want them naked on those days when they are not even sure they want to be naked. I have only one request. I don’t ever want to see these people naked! Why, you ask? Is it because I’m a clothes minded, (pun intended), up tight, puritan prude? Nope, let me explain... Why Running Nude Is Not For MeFirst of all, many people who don’t have clothes on, should have clothes on, lots on clothes. The human body is not necessarily beautiful. Some human bodies are beautiful but most people are hideous deformed monsters from the Planet Fat Ass.Before I get hate mail, let me say that at 56 years old I’m the slowest, oldest and fattest I’ve ever been. No one with 20/20 vision should have to suffer the aberration of my pasty white carcass in slow motion. On the other hand if I’m running a race and there’s a naked Bo Derrick look alike in front of me I will be wonderfully, I mean horribly distracted. When your churning out 8:30 miles you can’t afford anything to get in you way, you know what I mean? I would also prefer the males in the race to wear clothes. Let me explain. If I ever did muster da balz to run a race naked, my greatest fear is there would be a three way photo finish between me and two x-porn stars. One named Tommy “The Jackhammer” Baker and the other Ward “The Wad” Chuckels and the photo would end up on the cover of Running Free Magazine! OUCH! Shameless plug for Running Free, of whom I am now a contributing writer. Naked Runners will argue how freeing it is to be jogging naked. I actually feel wonderfully free in my little, sexy, Union Jack, high performance, elite running trunks, thank you very much.I love the fact that this world is full of all kinds of people. So run naked, go jogging nude, go walking nude, you nudie- naked-nudie people. Long may you bounce.
As promised - Links to naked running websites...
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